I'm starting a new blog series about the life lessons I am learning from my children. As their mom, I believe I am here to guide them, to help them grow and develop on their paths in life and I believe they are here to teach me. So far, I'm learning a lot. My first post in the series is all about not getting stuck in an emotion, like fear. I'd love to know what you think in the comments and what you have learned from your kids, pets and all other teachers.
It’s okay to be scared. It’s part of life. In fact I’d say that sometimes it is brave to be scared. It can be a form of self-care. A basic instinct that comes direct from your subconscious as a way to keep you safe. While it is perfectly okay to feel scared, I don't want you to get stuck in fear. Getting stuck in an emotion is when it feels like it starts to control you. It may feel paralyzing, overwhelming or, possibly worst of all it, like it defines you. If you have ever been able to witness one of your emotions - be aware of it without trying to suppress it or change it – you know that emotions are a lot like clouds in the sky. They can hover, some are darker than others and they do eventually pass. This practice of witnessing the emotion puts you in control of it without trying to ignore it or push it away. The most impactful part of learning to witness your emotions is that you will start to see that your emotions do not define you, they are not who you are and they will pass.
Here's how my children have taught me this lesson. Last summer, my daughter was fairly terrified of the water. She was three years old at the time and had not been swimming much the year before because of the pandemic. At the end of summer 2021, I signed her up for a swim lesson and while she definitely progressed, I will never forget that first day. She clung to the teacher’s neck with such force and terror and wouldn't let go until the end of the lesson. She was young enough that I wasn't worried about her never learning to swim, but I didn't want her to always be afraid of the water. The swim lessons were helpful and she was able to spend more time in the water last year. These things helped, but I also think she just needed time for the fear to pass. I think children are less likely to let an emotion define them and unless someone tells them otherwise, they seem to know that emotions are temporary. My son is teaching me this now, too. He's two years old and like most two year olds he has some big emotions! He's in tantrum throwing prime time, so we get to witness his emotions roll through him on a regular basis. In the most instinctive way possible, he feels the emotion fully and then he moves on. Obviously with time, he will learn to control a temper tantrum better, but I hope he always knows that his emotions do not make him who he is. I hope he's always able to move forward. Kids know that change is possible and that emotions are temporary. They know that feelings are something they feel, not something that defines them.
Fully feeling the feeling is the key. Accepting the emotion, meditating on it, talking about it, even at some points being overwhelmed by it can all be part of the process. One of the strongest emotions I have ever felt is the anxiety I experienced after having my daughter,. Something that I really wanted during this time was to hear from other mothers who had experienced similar feelings and who were no longer stuck in the anxiety. Inspiration or an example of someone moving past an emotion, past fear, past a difficult time can be a great reminder of the blue skies that are beyond those heavy clouds. That is why I’m loving watching my daughter in the water this summer. She’s swimming on her own and wants to be underwater as much as possible. She even tried the high dive. The way that children learn new things, conquer their fears and move forward so quickly – it is living proof that emotions, and circumstances for that matter, do not define us. We can't ignore the fears. We have to feel them and if we know that they don't define us and that eventually they will pass, it might be easier to accept and fully feel them. Whatever it is that might have you feeling stuck, scared or under a dark cloud, know that it is okay that you feel that way. The emotion is not who you are and it will pass. It could take days, months or even longer, but you can move forward and when you do I hope there is a high dive waiting.
In wellness,
Britta
My wellness coaching includes mindfulness coaching and part of mindfulness is awareness. I work with clients to accept and move past emotions that may be limiting the innate ability to live their healthiest life possible. Want to learn more, schedule a free consultation call here.
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