How I'm working on living in the moment and three practices that help.
Do you ever find yourself wishing that time would pass by quicker? Or, wishing that you could freeze time just as it is? I wish for both, sometimes multiple times a day.
When my husband is traveling and I’m parenting on my own for a few days. When it’s been a particularly exhausting day and bedtime still feels distant. When I’m on a plane with a two year old. In all of these circumstances, I’ve wished for time to pass. On a mundane day when a more exciting holiday, event or vacation is on the horizon, I’ve wished for time to pass. Even sometimes when I choose to be somewhere – like a fitness class – and it’s so hard that within the first few minutes I am longing for it to be over, I’ve wished for time to pass.
It’s no surprise. Our society is set up to encourage us to want the next best thing and, just as much or maybe more, it tells us that we should always strive to stay comfortable. Feelings of unease, discomfort, exhaustion, boredom, grief and pain – these should be avoided at all costs.
I want the positive. The endorphin rush from working out, the vacation excitement, the joy of parenting, without the challenges and mundane moments that inevitably come along with life. The truth is, no one ever said life was supposed to be thrilling 100% of the time. Constant excitement and entertainment wreaks havoc on the nervous system. No one ever said that life was supposed to be easy 100% of the time either. The hard times are where we grow. Do you feel like you emerged (or are still emerging) from the pandemic as a different person? I think most people do. Challenges bring on the moments that require self-reflection and resilience. It is when we learn to find and call on practices, hopefully healthy ones, that help pull us through. These practices become our lifelines. Sometimes they are supportive and it’s good to keep them around. Sometimes we need to reevaluate if they are still protecting us as we continue to grow.
Growing, changing and evolving – this is life. So wishing away time, especially the dull and challenging moments, is wishing away life. I know this and yet I still do it. Trying to enjoy every moment of parenting or never wanting a difficult time to pass, that’s a lot of pressure and feels unhealthy to me.
There must be a balance though because as much as I sometimes wish I could fast-forward, I also often find myself yearning to freeze time. I wake up in the middle of night stunned by how fast life moves. Kids have this uniquely magical ability to make long afternoons last forever and years fly by in seconds. When I stop and realize that my kids will never be as little again as they are today, it takes my breath away. My daughter who wants to have a loose tooth, pierced ears and tells strangers that she is in college, is about to turn five, an age that for the first few years of her life seemed so far off and grown up and in some ways it still does. At the end of even the hardest days of parenting, I know that each one of those milestones, even the college or whatever other adventure she pursues, will come much too fast.
It’s not just my kids that make me want to freeze time. The seasons can do this too. I pause during the fall to notice the cool mornings and warm afternoons, the colorful leaves, the sensation that nature is preparing to hibernate. In a month, all of these things will look different despite my efforts. Everything keeps changing. That's something we can rely on and trying to freeze time or hold on to things as they are or used to be never feels like the right thing either.
Life is full of beauty and hardship. Different times and lives seem to have more of each. The balance of it all is that we do get both and time does keep moving. We can experience the bad things because they will pass and enjoy the beauty knowing it is never meant to last forever. I think both of these seasons of life and every other one in between is really about opening us up to our bigger purpose and I think the trick to balancing it all is trying to live in the moment. Trying to worry less about whether or not I'm cherishing time or wishing it away and instead just try and live it.
Yes, I can still relish in the beauty while it is here, but attaching to it, longing and waiting for it, that often leads to anxiety and sadness. And trying to wish time away or avoid a challenge, that removes me from reality and diverts my attention away from what matters. If something hurts or feels uncomfortable, I need to notice it and even sometimes sit with it before I can change it.
Time will pass, whether it is hard or beautiful, and by staying in the moment I am starting to realize that it is often both. The hard things are part of what makes life beautiful and the beauty is part of what makes it precious.
We don’t have a time machine, but we do get to be in the present moment – right here and right now – and I hope you know there is no where else you’re meant to be.
Here are three practices I use to stay in the moment
1. Breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. The number one thing that has the greatest ability to connect us to the moment we are in is the air around us. We wouldn’t be able to survive without it and it, like us, will be different in a minute from now. The one breath you are inhaling right now is the exact breath you are intended to inhale in this moment. Same with your exhale. Pay attention to it. Know that you are right where you are meant to be. Breathe in. Breathe out.
2. Find something to be grateful for. This one is especially powerful when things are challenging. On day 5 of solo-parenting, I’m thankful that our family has employment. I’m thankful that I don’t have to solo-parent for more than a few days at a time. I’m thankful that my kids are not accustomed to my husband being gone because most evenings we are all together. I’m grateful that I have the resources to ask for help and get a meal on our table. And, I’m grateful that my kids go to bed early.
This gratitude doesn’t just help put things into perspective, it helps me tune into what is really happening right around me. It helps me relinquish my perceived control over time and realize how supported I am in this moment.
3. Turn on your senses. Feel the Earth you stand on. See what is around you. Smell the scents in your home, on a walk, in your office, wherever you are. Hear the sounds that fill your daily life and even observe the taste in your mouth. When I think about the things my body does for me, I sometimes skip over my incredible senses because I don’t even have to think to use them. They are our gateways to experiencing the world around us. Tune into them. Turn them on. Pay attention and the moment becomes yours.
As a wellness coach, I work with clients on finding mindfulness, purpose and balance in their lives. Interested in talking more? I'd love that.
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